Dealing with Disappointment

I'm an angry blogger. I know this. The unspoken rule with facebook statuses that sometimes carries over into blogs and other such public forums is to post when your life is going particularly well so everyone sees just how fabulous it is to be you. Or to write about something so maddening that everyone can't help but chime in on and once again...oh aren't you so popular with your 50 replies.

I'm the opposite. I love sharing good news and writing about the highs in my life. But I'm most inspired to blog, or just write in general, when I'm sad/upset/mad/hurting. It's like I mentioned a couple entries ago...for some reason my thoughts and feelings feel like they carry more weight when I can see them spelled out in front of me, whether or not they're viewed by anyones eyes besides my own. And I preface this entry this way because again tonight I was inspired to write because I was hurting. I want to get it all out of my system and just leave it on the page.

I won't describe tonight's inspiring drama. In fact I wrote a few paragraphs before this one and just deleted them because they weren't the point of this entry. My question is...how do you deal with the disappointment? I've never been good at that. I feel like I'm perpetually starting over (in all areas of my life) so why aren't I an expert by now? Shouldn't there be a check list someone's developed by this point? Complete steps one through eight and you're done. I'm impatient and I admit it. I'm tired of going through the trial and error of dating. I'm tired of putting energy into a friendship only to be told my effort into keeping lines of communication open are causing her stress. How do you remind yourself that is all part of a plan when you've never truly, completely believed things happen for a reason? How do you accept being let down and move on from it, a stronger person? How do you remind yourself that the fault is with them, even though you're the one wounded? When someone figures all that out, I'd love to be let in on the secret.

Seventeen days

In seventeen days I will be leaving for a glorious 2 and a half weeks traveling to:

Dublin, Ireland

Barcelona, Spain

Athens, Greece

Santorini, Greece

London, England

Edinburgh, Scotland

Excited doesn't even begin to describe how I'm feeling!!

New Name, New Outlook

So this blog started out as a list of 25 Things I wanted to do while I was 25. Well, 25 has officially come and gone and I'm now living in the land of 26. So to embrace my introduction into my mid-to-late twenties, I figured I needed to rename my blog and once again start anew. As I mentioned a few entries ago, I went to a Natasha Bedingfield concert in July. Well, one of my favorite of her songs has a chorus that reads:

And if you strip me, strip it all away,
If you strip me, what would you find?
If you strip me, strip it all away,
I'll be alright.


Take what you want,
Steal my pride, 
Build me up or cut me down to size. 
Shut me out, but I'll just scream
I'm only one voice in a million, but you ain't taking that from me

And haven't we all felt that way before? Anyway, the song has been resonating with me for awhile and I've finally decided to adopt it for my blog. I'm only one voice in a million, but its mine and I intend to use it.

Now, to address some things that have been neglected as I've been (unintentionally) neglecting this blog in recent weeks.

First of all...my list of 25 things. You've all seen the list before so I won't list them all out but I need to own up to the ones that I did not accomplish in the last 365 days.

10. Complete 3 consecutive months of p90x/get back into a regular exercise routine.
15. Get SCUBA certified.
16. Finally get that last tattoo I want.
19. Kiss in the rain.
20. Be an extra in another film.
22. Go horseback riding on the beach.

So only 19 of 25 was accomplished. Which equals out to 76%. I'm a little disappointed, but at the same time still very proud of what I was able to take care of. So those last 6 now go on my Lifetime Bucket List which I am currently in the process of making. Luckily I expect to cross a few of those off my list very soon. I am getting that last tattoo and I know what and where but unfortunately I've lost the exact design so I'm in the process of trying to find it again and then I'll get it done. Definitely by the time 2011 is over, but I'm hoping maybe before Europe next month. Also, my friend in small group was talking about going horseback riding on the beach with her friend in Jacksonville sometime in the future so if she makes that happen I may just have to make a trip as well, if only to cross that off my list. And finally, I know I talk a big game about this all the time, but I've been continuing to surround myself with fitness and exercise oriented people lately so I am absolutely determined to resubmerge myself in a regular fitness routine. It will happen. It will it will will. It must. So hopefully those 6 things I wasn't able to cross off my list this year will very shortly be down to three.

Speaking of fitness...my Europe diet has not exactly been going as planned. As my lack of blogging in the last few weeks probably indicate, I have been extremely busy, have had very little time to work out, and have been eating out way too often. So I am now embarrassed to say I am officially back at my starting weight. Europe is 3 weeks and 3 days away (!!!) so while I may not be at my goal weight, I am determined to get back on the bandwagon and at least lose and maintain a 5 lb weight loss by then. I'm trying to set realistic and attainable goals here. So here goes...

When I say I've been busy these past couple weeks, its not a lie. TGH goes live with an electronic medical record (EMR) on October 1st and the whole hospital has been getting trained on that so I've been going in an extra day each week for classes. Plus my birthday was 2 weeks ago and I took some time off to celebrate with friends and my family who drove down to spend the weekend with me. I took them to Busch Gardens where my lovely roommate gave us the opportunity to chuck meatballs at tigers (who hasn't wanted to do that? lol) and we intended to go on the safari so my mom could feed the giraffes but unfortunately the typical Florida mid-afternoon monsoon occurred and we weren't able to do it. But we had a good time regardless. Here are a few pics from the weekend:

A few of the girls after dinner on our way out for drinks

Mom and Dad at Busch Gardens

My birthday cake :)

Another super fun thing that happened recently is one of my good friends from nursing school got hitched! Three of us from my nursing class drove down to Captiva Island last weekend to watch her tie the knot with her man on the beach. It was an absolutely gorgeous wedding and she looked beautiful. I've missed my nursing girls since I moved to Tampa and I love any opportunity I have to catch up with them. A couple pics from the eve:

Beautiful ceremony on Captiva Island

Terri, me, Kathleen, and Erin

I caught the bouquet!

Alright, thats enough from me for now. But I promise it won't be 3 weeks until you hear from me again!

Backstreets Back -ALRIGHT!!

So I realize that my most recent post was only about an amazing concert that I attended but get ready...because this one is going to be the exact same.

Some background: since the tender age of 11, when I first heard them on the radio I have been obsessed with the Backstreet Boys. CD playing on loop, European import buying, VHS behind the scenes viewing OBSESSED. Unashamedly. Luckily my best friend Alyson has been exactly the same. BSB was actually a significant portion of our bond. We loved the music and the harmonies and discussing how, when we finally met them, Kevin would fall in love with her and Nick would fall in love with me (obviously). In 9th grade we were actually able to get tickets to the Atlanta BSB show but unfortunately our ride fell through at the last minute and we weren't able to go. Finally, in our senior year of high school, Nick Carter was touring for his solo album and came to a small theme park a couple hours outside of Tallahassee. So the morning after our senior prom Alyson and I, along with our friend Megan, woke up early, drove to Valdosta, GA and I finally got to see 1/5 of the Backstreet Boys in person.

Fast forward to 8 years later and BSB is back on tour again and there is no way in hell that Aly and I were missing them this time around, no matter what the cost. And it was worth every penny.

Matthew Morrison (Mr. Shu from Glee) opened the show and did a fantasic job! He sang a number of Glee tunes as well as some songs off his new release. Then was the moment we'd been waiting for: Backstreet Boys (and New Kids on the Block, but they were slightly before my time) hit the stage. I can't even describe the show except it was everything I ever dreamed it would be when I was 13. And I definitely reverted back to my adolescent self with the amount of screaming and jumping up and down that I did. They sang a good number of their most popular hits, some of the most recent ones, and to my absolute delight they even sang a song that was never even released on a US album (but of course Aly and I knew bc we imported everything that wasn't released here). I have to give NKOTB a lot of credit too. I knew their most popular releases but never really counted myself as a huge fan. But they also put on an amazing show! So they may have come out of that concert with a new fan.

Backstreet Boys came together in Orlando, where the concert was taking place, so they threw in a couple extra surprises for their hometown crowd. Most notably they brought in a surprise guest performance: Boyz II Men!! All of my guy friends in high school were obsessed with that old school R&B so I have a special appreciation of B2M and was ecstatic that I got to see them in person. They sang "Motown Philly", "I'll Make Love to You", and "End of the Road." BSB also came out at the end of the concert in Orlando Magic jerseys, while NKOTB came out in their hometown Boston Celtic jerseys.

And yes, just because I know you were wondering, Nick was just as sexy as ever in person.

Here's a few pictures of what has quite possibly been my favorite night of the year so far:

Super excited, waiting for Backstreet to come on!

Boyz II Men!!

Nick was obviously thinking about me at this moment.

Oh yes, we got shirts!

Slacker

I know, I know, its been much longer than it should've been since my last post. And even more importantly, I missed my two-week weight check in. So instead, here's my 18-day check in. I got on the scale this morning and I've lost three pounds, not too shabby! I'm not going to put my measurements up because I know they haven't changed, but I will check them again at the next check-in point. And hopefully my dedication will have improved by then. I've been great about watching what I eat and cutting out some of the extra calories but I haven't quite made significant strides in my work out plan. But I found what seems like a really great, simple work out that I can do at home in Women's Health so I'm going to try to kick that into gear after these next two days at work. But right now, I'm going to be happy with my 3 lbs!

I had the most amazing day last Thursday. To start it off, one of my absolute favorite artists, Kate Voegele, came to Tampa on tour with Natasha Bedingfield so my roommate and I went down to Ybor for the concert. It was in a smallish, standing room only venue which I love because it gives off such a more intimate vibe. We went early and had a few "Pocketful of Sunshines" (the drink special of the day, ha) and then ran to stage as soon as the doors opened. We managed to grab spots right at the stage, in front of the mic. An artist named Andy Grammer opened first. I'd never heard of him before, but he was certainly easy on the eyes and a lot of his stuff was really catchy. Certainly worth a download and another listen. And it was all I could do to keep Meagan from jumping on the stage and on him!

Next was Miss Voegele herself. If her name sounds familiar, she occasionally guest-stars on One Tree Hill and has for a number of years. Thats how I first discovered her years ago but my appreciation for her voice and song-writing ability has grown so much. Her third album came out in May and its amazing. She mostly sang songs off that album but a couple from her previous two. The girl is maybe 5'2" and weighs possibly 90 lbs soaking wet but such a powerful voice comes from that little body!

And finally, the fabulous Natasha Bedingfield took the stage. I've always enjoyed her music (Pocketful of Sunshine has been one of my phone's most used ringtones for the past number of years) but have never given her much thought past what I heard on the radio. I have to admit, she absolutely blew me away in person. Her voice was crazy powerful and she had great stage presence. I'm definitely a fan now!

But the absolute highlight of my night was that after they sang, Andy and Kate came out to meet the fans, take pictures and sign autographs. We went to meet Andy because he was out first and Meagan had to see her 'future husband' up close. Plus, hey, he could be a big deal one day and then we can say we met him way back when! This pic of the three of us actually ended on his facebook page so we're famous! Then Kate came out and I must have elbowed a crowd of people out of the way, haha. Most of the time I'm too nervous to say anything but "great show!" to artists I meet but I actually made an effort to be coherent and got to talk to her for a minute. She was so cute and sweet. I'd stolen her set list off the stage after her set and got her to sign that and her CD. I hope more of the world hears of her soon and begins to appreciate her as much as I do!

And we can't forget the final piece of excitement that night: the final Harry Potter film! We actually had to leave the concert before Natasha's set was over because we wanted to make it back to the theatre a couple hours before the midnight show started to get good seats. And after meeting up with Meagan's coworker and spending the next hour and a half discussing the previous night's So You Think You Can Dance episode, the moment I'd been both waiting for and dreading begun. And it was fabulous. A few minor changes that didn't deviate too far from the books and all of the major highlights we'd been waiting to see ("Not my daughter, you bitch!"). I can't believe its over and now I want to go back and reread the entire series. And rush back to the theatre as soon as possible. Harry has been a part of my life for the last 15 years between the books and the movies...what am I going to do without anything new to look forward to?

31 days to go...

So here we are, July 5th, exactly one month from my birthday. My birthday is my favorite day of the year (because its all about ME of course!) and I'm excited its come around once more. However, this also means that I have only 1 month left to complete my 25 Things to do while I'm 25 list and its not looking like I'm going to be able to finish it. But here's an update on what I've completed and what I still have to go:


1. Start a new career.

2. Move to a new city. 

3. Donate blood. 

4. Blog. 

5. Begin learning Spanish. I've started very slowly, and just with a few words/phrases that are helpful at work, but I'm definitely planning to continue!

6. Take dance classes again. 

7. Get more stamps in my passport. 

8. Read more of the classics. 

9. Learn to cook new dishes. 

10. Complete the full 3 consecutive months of p90x. Alright, so I didn't do this, but back in the fall I completed the first full month and I've now got my work out motivation back, which is basically what this goal was all about. So if I can keep my dedication for my Europe diet through my birthday, I'm going to consider this accomplished.

11. Buy art. 

12. Do something completely out of character. I think at least half of this list counts for me!

13. Make new friends. 

14. Keep in touch with old friends. 

15. Get SCUBA certified. My friend and I are trying to get this done before Europe but I don't think its going to happen unfortunately. But if I am able to even schedule these classes before my birthday, I'm gonna say it counts!

16. Finally get the last tattoo I want...or decide I'm too old to get a new tattoo. I think I'm getting it. I think. Now I've just actually got to do it!

17. Date more. 

18. Actually train my dog to do something.  I've got him to army crawl to me whenever I get on the floor, its just not actually on command. Does that count??

19. Kiss in the rain. Why is this so impossible???

20. Be an extra in another film. Alas, not going to happen. It will be a future goal for sure though!

21. Change someone's life for the better. 

22. Go horseback riding on the beach. Another one that will have to go on a future list...

23. Come to peace with last March, and all things from the past. 

24. Save a life. 

25. Kick a USF fan in the shins. 


So 1 month to go and 6 things left to accomplish. Two that won't happen for sure but I should be able to accomplish the others! I hope! And technically I did add numbers 26 and 27 after the fact, so if I trade those out for the two that I won't have time to do...does that still count as 25 things?? Hmm. I've got some work to do!

Time to buckle down

Today is July first. And for those of you who don't know the significance of that, today is the day that Meagan and I's Europe Diet officially begins. It's taking on different forms for each of us...Meagan's going to try to eat better, while I'm going to try to work out more/better/at all. But regardless, we have 2 months and a week before we have to impress some sexy European men and we have some work to do!

Normally this is not something I'd broadcast (I mean really, what girl wants to talk about her weight in a public forum?) but I thought that maybe being open about where I'm starting and what my goals are might hold me more accountable than if I kept my progress (or lack thereof) private. So here it is: my starting statistics.

Height: 5'7" (okay, not like thats going to change, but it gives your a reference point)
BMI: 22.1

I'm not saying I'm some fat, hideous creature, but I also know that this is far from my physical ideal and there is a lot of room for improvement. I'm not in nearly the shape I used to be in. And while I would like to lose a good 10 lbs, its more important to me to exchange some fat for muscle and improve the overall shape and tone of my body.

So here's the plan: I have 9 weeks. I work twelve hour shifts 3 days a week so lets be honest, I am not getting my ass to a gym on those days. So that leaves me with four days off a week. My goal is to kick my ass at the gym 2 of those days, do a decent work out the third and at least do something physical in my apt the fourth...be it a p90x video, crunches while I watch a show, whatever. I know that once (if) I start to see results it'll become addicting to me. Once I get in a routine its very easy to continue and even increase my dedication. But what I'm worried about is keeping my commitment prior to seeing any results. It's not that I really expect to see a big change in the numbers on the scale, but I just want to have that slight change in how my clothes fit that will give me that feeling of accomplishment in the initial weeks.

I'm going to try update yall every 2 weeks to hold myself accountable. Here's hoping the threat of public humiliation is a positive motivator for me!