Boys Boys Boys

Right now its dark, late, and rainy and I have the apartment all to myself and the only thing I'm missing is some cuddling/spooning action. I should be more specific...I actually have three boys in my bed ready to cuddle, but I'd like one that is not covered in fur and that weighs more than 12 lbs, ha.


I'm in that weird post-breakup spot where I'm over the heart break and I've fallen out of love with The Ex but I haven't found anything new or exciting yet. I think thats one of the most frustrating things. It's easy to move on and forget, but once you've fallen in love I don't think you really ever completely get over the entire relationship until you fall in love again. I've been in love three times (none of them have worked out...not sure if that makes me lucky to have found love three times or unlucky to have it disappear 3 times before 25) and while I was over each before I became exclusive again, I don't think I stopped having the occasional wistful thought until someone new had completely entranced me. But this in between place is frustrating. Since I was about 16 I've only been single for roughly a year...a year and a half counting this period since The Ex...and I can't say I ever got too accustomed to it. But even when I'm not exclusive with someone, I usually have someone in my life. I just like companionship. I don't think every encounter needs to be the be-all-end-all and turn your world upside down; but its nice to have someone who's company you enjoy and that your physically attracted to in the meantime. I haven't had that this time around yet. I was involved with a few guys this summer but not consistently and it never reached the point of routine with anyone, not enough lasting interest on either side I suppose. And I've been on a few dates since I moved but no one that I've considered seeing twice. I've learned not to look for the Real Thing because the only time I've ever found it was when I was not looking at all, but it'd be nice to find Mr. Right Now for dark, late, rainy nights when I have the apartment to myself.


And speaking of The Ex...I hate how the breakup has turned me bitter. Not bitter about life or love or myself, but bitter about the little things. How I now hate everything to do with aviation and airplanes. How when I hear someone is in the military or see military stickers on cars I have a prejudice against that person instead of thanking them for their service. How when USF played Florida I couldn't decide who I wanted to win because my intense hatred for all things Orange and Blue almost couldn't beat out the feeling of wanting his alma mater to lose so he'd have a bad day. I hate country music, Toyota Tacomas, guns, and motorcycles, all because it brings him to mind and its a waste of brain cells to think of him. This is the first, last, and only paragraph that will be devoted to The Ex in this blog so just let me say that he is a coward for spending two years telling me he wants to marry me and then breaking up with me on the phone 5 days after seeing me in person because apparently he didn't have the balls or the respect to do it to my face. Whats worse is that he couldn't even vocalize a reason. Well you know what? You got scared like a little pussy when things became real and lost the best thing that you ever had. 


Okay, so maybe I'm a teensy bit bitter. But thats only more motivation to take his favorite city, my new home, and make it mine. Hold on to your hat Tampa, here we go...

Strange couples

So I don't find Dancing with the Stars entertaining at all, but I decided to tune into the premiere purely to see The Situation attempt to ballroom dance. But during Rick Fox's dance the cameras kept flashing to Eliza Dushku so I decided to do a little research. Much to my surprise I find out that they've been dating for over a year and just moved in together. Really Eliza??

And speaking of strange couples and ex-One Tree Hill stars (for those who don't remember...Rick Fox guest starred on the show back when the kids were in high school and threatened to blackmail Nathan for...something) I was reminded of something I saw recently. Jeffrey Dean Morgan (Denny from Grey's...also from P.S. I Love You and Watchmen fame) and Hilary Burton (Peyton from OTH) have not only been dating for about a year now, but had a baby boy last spring without anyone knowing about it until significantly after the fact. To date they still haven't even come out with his name or birthdate.

On the bright side, with all these young women and older men, maybe I still have a chance with Julian McMahon??

Buzzz

I've been a busy bee lately. I finally got my ATT (Authorization to Test) for the NCLEX last week and signed up to test on October 1st. Less than 2 weeks to go! I've been studying everyday but am still apprehensive because I haven't quite been getting the scores that Kaplan says I should be confident with. And I feel like almost half of every practice test I take focuses on Peds. Well, I did maybe 2 weeks of peds clinicals ever in nursing school and I don't want to be a peds nurse so I'm not exactly thrilled. I feel like everytime I review something, another 18 subjects pop up that I don't remember. 


The whole Tampa job search thing has been frustrating. There is literally nothing available for new nurses in the area. I've gone ahead and set up my orientation at ORMC...I start October 4th (Mon after I take the NCLEX). I actually have to drive to Orlando for paperwork and physical tomorrow and possibly back again on Friday. It's annoying that its really looking like I'm going to have to commute, but we'll see. I just haven't figured out if I'm going to try to crash in Orlando once a week or not. It's been a bit rough trying to keep up with the girls I would prob try to crash with. I'm going to keep looking in the area because I've heard a bit of talk that some jobs might open up in October, but honestly I'm not holding my breath. I'm just not sure how to weigh starting work in 2 weeks but having to commute verses putting off working and risk turning the job down and being optimistic about something opening up closer to me in the next month or two. If I knew for sure I'd get something by Christmas I'd probably wait it out because I don't need the salary right away, but I've never been much of a risk taker, recent decisions not withstanding. I just don't know what to doooooo...


In other news...things have been busy in a good way too. Meagan and I had 6 friends come stay with us this past weekend. It was nice to have some legitimate guests stop by because I think prior to this our guests had amounted to one of my summer hook ups swinging by on his way through town and 2 of Meagan's brother's friends (minus her brother) inviting themselves over for the night (or two nights in one case). But the 8 of us had fun spending the entire day at Busch Gardens and reaping some of the benefits that come with knowing an employee, including a private training session with one of the orangutans and a $10 safari. We also had taco night, watched some movies, had brunch at First Watch and spent Sat night at MacDintons which I am quickly falling in love with. Meagan and I don't seem to have any problems attracting some decent attention there and it has a great vibe. This weekend should be more BG fun with Howl-O-Scream Employee Friends and Family night on Friday and some St. Pete action during the Rays game on Saturday. Then the following weekend (immediately post-NCLEX action and my last weekend of freedom before work) my sister and two of her friends are coming into town. So busy times ahead. I've kinda gotten used to the everyday being a vacation things over the last month and a half...not sure what I'm going to do when I actually have to start making a living again. 


And on a completely random note...my favorite week of the year has arrived! This is premiere week for all of my ABC and FOX shows. Pretty much ranks in the top 5 events of the year in my opinion. My DVR is filling up already and I've got that warm, fuzzy feeling inside. Til next time...

Lonely thoughts

Why is it that being surrounded by people can sometimes feel more isolating than actually distancing yourself from others? I have the most amazing best friends in the world but I hate that everyone is so scattered, which makes it extremely rare that I can be with more than one of my best friends at once. Outside of my family, there is 5 people who truly know who I am and where I came from. Three of those have known me since I even begun figuring out who I was. But those 5 people are scattered over Tampa, Orlando, Tally, Memphis and Destin and its been way too long since I've been surrounded by more than one of them at the same time. Too often I'm surrounded by groups of people with history, who know each others stories and can finish each other's sentences. Even when I have genuine affection for these people I end up feeling lonely and resentful that I am not surrounded by those who have the same love for me. One of my goals for Tampa is to meet some new people that I can add to my life-long friends list. I try my best to be open and outgoing when I am around others and meet new people, but I am so self conscious sometimes that it can feel debilitating even if others don't perceive it. I'm going to attempt to be more honest and trusting and just pray that it doesn't get me hurt. It's just scary because I recently found out that a group of people I had hung out with a lot this summer has been talking about me behind my back. Now, I don't mean to imply that I am so important that I've been any sort of headline, I just know things have gotten around. For some reason people think they can tell one of my best friends things they've discovered about me or thought about me and it won't get back to me. If this is information that only one or two people know, and I've never mentioned to anyone, its pretty easy to figure out how its got around and who's been discussing it. I'm a grown woman and I can decide how I want to live my life and I stand by what I've done. I just wish people would ask me directly if they want to know if something is true or just leave it alone like mature adults. But I suppose thats asking too much. I'm not innocent, I've been on the other side and probably done the same and probably will again. It just bothers me that people spread private information or form opinions about me without getting my side. 

Alright, well that started in one place and went somewhere completely different. But I'm going to go to sleep now and wake up on the happy, optimistic side of the bed.

The Elaboration

So ideally I would like to be watching the season finale of Bachelor Pad right now (yes I am one those girls) but Meagan is playing phone catch up at the moment and I can't start it without her so I thought I would take the time to elaborate a little more on each of my 25 goals for the next year and begin crossing off ones I've accomplished.


1. Start a new career. I consider myself 33.33% of the way there. The first third, the third that I've accomplished is graduating nursing school. Big check in the box. In fact, I just got my diploma in the mail today, all fancy in script that says KayCee received her BS in Nursing. BS may be particularly correct because I honestly feel like I BSed my way through a good portion of those tests. So the next third is passing boards. However because those bastards at Pearson Vue have decided I'm the only person out of my graduating class who does not deserve to receive her Authorization to Test, I have not even scheduled my test yet. Harassment starts tomorrow, so they better be prepared. And the final third is finding employment. Which, I've actually found...I'm just still looking for a position closer to home (i.e. not 70 minutes away). So maybe I'm more like 40% accomplished. Regardless, I am yet to be able to strike this goal off the list.


2. Move to a new city. I officially accomplished this task on August 10th. Yay me!


3. Donate blood. This is something I've never done. Originally because it just never crossed my mind. After that it was because I seemed to get a new piercing, tattoo, or travel out of the country annually, which is a big no-no in the blood donation world. But since I officially do not qualify for any of those restrictions currently (Australia doesn't count as a high risk country, right?) I would like to accomplish this goal before I make a decision about #16.


4. Blog. I think its safe to cross this one off, right?


5. Begin learning Spanish. I'm never planning to be fluent, but those 3 years in high school and 2 semesters in college of French really don't come in too handy in central Florida. Plus, I figure even the basics will help me out a lot in the hospital. Guess Rosetta Stone is going to be on my Christmas list...


6. Take dance classes again. I just miss it. That's all there is to it. Jazz especially, but also hip hop, contemporary, ballet, lyrical, pom, all of it. Watching So You Think You Can Dance is sometimes painful for me and I've found it impossible to make it through a whole episode without catching myself subconsciously pointing my toes. 


7. Get more stamps in my passport. I've officially caught the travel bug. I've signed up for a cruise in December that will only get me as far as exotic Nassau (for the 4th time...) but its a stamp, so I can't be picky. I'm contemplating a return to Australia in the spring and have a trip to Europe planned in the fall. Technically I will be 26 in the fall, but if I solidify the plans while I'm 25, I'm going to count it dadgumit!


8. Read more of the classics. Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, The Great Gatsby were all amazing and while I might find a few duds in the bunch (I never did find much value in Lord of the Flies, As I Lay Dying, or Heart of Darkness) I know I'll find some diamonds as well. I'm thinking of starting with something by one of the Bronte sisters...


9. Learn to cook new dishes. Meagan and I have actually accomplished this rather quickly since moving to our new apartment. We haven't done anything too exotic yet, but we're slowly making our way through my new cookbook.


10. Complete the full 3 consecutive months of p90x. I just started week 3. I'm working on it.


11. Buy art. I just bought a really cool painting of an elephant holding a flower that was...you ready?...actually painted by an elephant. It's beautiful and I'm really excited about it. And all proceeds went to benefit the protection of elephants in Asia, so I can feel even better about the purchase. I'll take some time to figure out what my next purchase will be though...


12. Do something completely out of character. I'm drawing a blank on how to check this one off, but I'm determined to do this. Suggestions??


13. Make new friends. I've begun to accomplish this. At least become closer with acquaintances. And I'm sure once I start working, it'll be that much easier to check off.


14. Keep in touch with old friends. My best friends live all over the place from Tampa to Orlando to Tallahassee to Tennessee. And I've made friends with an amazing group of girls in my nursing program. I'm the kind of person who can not talk to someone for a long time and when I see them, pick up exactly where we left off. This is how most of my best friends and I function, which I believe has been a great factor in allowing us to remain close and live in different cities over the years. But I know this is not how everyone functions so I'm determined to make an extra effort to maintain the relationships which have meant a lot to me.


15. Get SCUBA certified. My dad is SCUBA certified and has always promised to take me some place really cool if I took the time to get certified as well. So now is definitely the time to do it.


16. Finally get the last tattoo I want...or decide I'm too old to get a new tattoo. I've always toyed with get a paw print somewhere. And I think I want a small one on my left foot in that henna-brown color. But after my experience with getting the tattoo on my hip removed, I really want to consider this one hard before I actually commit.


17. Date more. This one I can say I've accomplished. I didn't go on a single proper date all summer but I've been on at least 3 dates since I've moved to Tampa. None of them has been successful, mind you, but I'm trying to be open to new things and new people, so why not allow myself to be treated now and then? I'm definitely looking for that elusive right guy, but until he enters my life, I'm going to have fun and make the most of every new experience.


18. Actually train my dog to do something. This might be a task. He's 9 and used to be a stray, and therefore used to not having any rules. I'm going to do my best, but I may have satisfy myself with the fact that he's housetrained. We'll see though...my roommate is determined to teach him to use the litter box, ha.


19. Kiss in the rain. Lets be honest...if you know me, you probably know during that whole experience I'm just going to be lamenting what the rain and humidity are doing to my hair, but who knows? Maybe I'll even surprise myself. It's just one of those romantic gestures every girl needs to experience.


20. Be an extra in another film. I had a blast being an extra in Amanda Bynes' movie Sydney White and its just something I would love to experience again. Even if it means I spend hours walking from Point A to Point B in a tiny dress and painful heels in 40 degree weather for maybe 2 seconds of screen time. I'd still do it again.


21. Change someone's life for the better. I'll have to take some time to figure out how to mark this one off but I figure it's something everyone should always strive to accomplish.


22. Go horseback riding on the beach. I've tried to accomplish this in the past and its never come to pass so I'm hoping to be able to check this off on my December cruise.


23. Come to peace with last March, and all things from the past. This may take some time and some work. But I've healed a lot in the last 6 months and I know time and new experiences will take care of the rest.


24. Save a life. I'm waiting until I actually work in the hospital to check this one off. Unless someone drops and needs CPR in front of me on the street one of these days.


25. Kick a USF fan in the shins. My dear friend Terri suggested this one to me because The Ex is a USF fan. So it just seemed fitting and will certainly provide me with some closure.




So that is my list, explained. Five down, 20 to go.

The horizon

So I was recently doing some facebook stalking researching (because its research if you're not friends with them yet, right??) and I came across this quote. Nothing particularly original or groundbreaking, but I liked the sentiment, and it reminded me of #23 on my list. So I'm taking it on as my personal reminder to keep moving forward.

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. Treat it that way. Let go of what might have been, and look at what can be."

 So here's to my continued effort of putting the past to rest and looking toward the horizon.

Christian Ponder, Will You Marry Me?

Just want to congratulate my Florida State Seminoles on their 59-6 win over the Samford Bulldogs!

Christian Ponder, you are a beautiful man.

And we can't forget...my amazing alum also won their opener against South Dakota today 39-7. GO KNIGHTS!!!

Today was a great day in college football!

#26 and 27

So "27 Things to do While I'm 25" doesn't have quite the same ring to it that "25 Things" does, but during my mini-vacay to Orlando this week I did two things I've never done before. Therefore I decided it was worth it to add items 26 and 27 to my Bucket List, if only to cross them off and make myself feel more accomplished. So here they are:

26. Sing kareoke

27. Skinny dip in a public pool

I was a kareoke virgin prior to this week and I can now say I have participated twice. Though I must admit I haven't quite grown the balls to showcase my "talent" solo yet. My inaugural kareoke songs...you ready for this? "Don't Turn Around" by Ace of Base and "Part of Your World" from the Little Mermaid. Classics indeed. I actually didn't choose the first...Ian was bestowed that honor...and I'll admit, was a bit of a trainwreck. But my, Meagan and Christina's rendition of "Part of Your World" was met with much audience participation and cheers. So I consider it a success.

Oh yeah, and you're not getting details about #27.