Fresh Start #2

So 7 months ago I moved my life over to Tampa but the transformation has been incomplete because I'm still commuting to Orlando for work which has made it hard to feel like a true Tampa citizen and meet new people. Well, I can now announce that in 3 weeks I will officially begin working for Tampa General Hospital in their Neuroscience Unit and will no longer have to commute. Its a bit bittersweet for me because I've only had the opportunity to work at ORMC for 6 months and I feel bad for leaving so soon and will miss my coworkers a lot, but I'm excited to actually be working where I live and be able to sleep in my own bed every night. I think this will be really good for me. So here goes fresh start #2!


One thing thats just been haunting me lately is all the changes I went through a year ago and how all of that happened because I wasn't this flexible, adventurous person. I've never been someone who believes things happen for a reason, I think we create our own fate. At the same time I try not to focus on things that have already happened because you can't change them. But I think these instances in particular have been haunting me lately because I have grown into the exact person that I needed to be last year. I feel like I'm more accepting, more willing to try new things, more willing to experiment, and more flexible than I was last year. If I was a person who thought things happened for a reason, I would think I went through that to become this person so I wouldn't lose something so important to me the next time around. But being me, all I can do lately is lament that it took losing so much for me to realize what's important. Sticking to what you know, whats safe and familiar isn't so important. Getting that verbal commitment out of someone isn't so important when actions are telling you everything you need to know. I know its not good to dwell in the past, but somethings holding me back. I guess I just to have to try and accept the lesson learned but its hard when reminders keep invading your dreams. Literally. I miss what I lost and I don't know how many times I have to mentally accept that before I can move on.


But on a happy note...my family comes to visit next weekend! My sister has been to visit a few times but my parents haven't been to Tampa since before I moved in so I'm excited to get to show them my apt and where I live. I think we're going to go to the zoo, the Dali museum, and maybe try to hit up the beach. I can't wait for the Clark Family invasion!

Why I date like a boy

In the year I was single before my last relationship and the year I've been single since, I've made an effort to date and have fun but not get attached to every guy that comes along. The way girls approach dating is dumb. You're not going to be swept off your feet by a guy every time you go out to a bar and he's definitely not going to make you priority #1 over everything else in his life after date 2. Thats ridiculous and unrealistic.

Guys have it figured out. You should go out and have fun with your friends at every opportunity. If you meet someone, take advantage. But live in the moment, instead of looking toward the future. If you find someone you click with, great. Hang out, get dinner, go to a bar, hook up, watch a movie but don't try to turn it into something more than it is. I've found that finding someone I can get along with, enjoy spending time with, and have sexual chemistry with is more rewarding than getting all wound up about worrying about labels and exclusivity. Trust me, if a guy is only about you, he'll make it plain as day eventually. But having a casual relationship in the meantime can still help you feel smart and fun and desired with the added benefit of still being able to have your girls nights out, and not having to schedule your calendar around someone else's schedule, and be free to meet any other guys that you might have something equally as good or better with. I've met some people who don't understand how I'm able to spend time with someone or hook up with a guy and stay unattached, but for me I don't understand why every encounter has to be so life-changing. I'd rather get what I can out of people at that moment, have a blast, and then part on equal and happy terms.

I'm not completely cynical. I'll meet someone that will change my way of thinking eventually. I have a few times in the past so I know eventually I'll meet someone that will make me forget anyone else with testosterone even exists. So if you've met him, great. But my Be All is still elusive so until then I'm going to continue taking a page from the Male Handbook and just have some fun.

Bloody hell

Since 1999, while watching season 4 of Buffy, I've been in love with James Marsters. My heart officially broke this morning when I learned of his marriage. If he wanted someone half his age, he could've had me! Ah well, life goes on.

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20463697,00.html

Touching base

So I've been a major slacker with this blog and my list lately. *slaps self on the wrist* But I have been accomplishing things! So here's an official update with newly checked off accomplishments:

1. Start a new career.

2. Move to a new city. 

3. Donate blood. I've done this twice now! Yay me!

4. Blog. 

5. Begin learning Spanish.

6. Take dance classes again. 

7. Get more stamps in my passport. So technically I didn't get a stamp but I DID travel out of the country to the Bahamas during December. Not sure what was up with that no stamp bs. But I'm counting it anyway bc I SHOULD have gotten a stamp!

8. Read more of the classics. Technically I can't cross this off yet, but I got a stack of classics for Christmas, so that strike through is coming soon!

9. Learn to cook new dishes. 

10. Complete the full 3 consecutive months of p90x.

11. Buy art. 

12. Do something completely out of character. Still having trouble deciding how to complete this one.

13. Make new friends. 

14. Keep in touch with old friends. 

15. Get SCUBA certified. 

16. Finally get the last tattoo I want...or decide I'm too old to get a new tattoo. 

17. Date more. 

18. Actually train my dog to do something. 

19. Kiss in the rain. 

20. Be an extra in another film.

21. Change someone's life for the better. 

22. Go horseback riding on the beach. 

23. Come to peace with last March, and all things from the past. 

24. Save a life. 

25. Kick a USF fan in the shins. I have to say that I am most happy to check this one off my list. But I will also say that I probably didn't make the best first impression with this person considering this was pretty much what I led with when I met them, haha. Oh well, it needed to be done! haha


So fourteen down, 11 to go! And I still have 6 months left. Not too shabby.


In other news...theres been a lot of fun to be had lately!! My roommates birthday was a week ago and we threw a whole nautical themed birthday extravaganza in Orlando complete with hotel rooms, Margaritaville, and City Walk. Then this past Saturday was my very first Gasparilla! One of my besties from childhood came down and I spent the day with her and some of her sorority sisters. The weather was breath-taking and I had so much fun seeing all the people dressed as pirates and catching beads. It was a blast and I can't wait til next year.


Other fun highlights...I've met a boy. I've been trying to be active in going out and meeting people and going on dates, but I've finally found someone that I get excited to talk to and want to spend most of my free time with. It's exciting to feel something again. It's still super early to determine anything, but I'm happy and right now that's all that matters. 


Well, I'm currently being distracted by my roommate and the Bachelor, so I'm going to give in to my trashy tv temptation. But never fear, I'll be back before another month goes by! 

1/1/11

Ah, my first post of the new year. Here's to ringing in 2011 with hope and optimism.

The holidays are officially over and I'm both sad and relieved at the same time. I always miss the season when its over but my calendar for December looked like a small child went finger painting and then threw up all over it so its nice to have some open space for awhile. Over the past three weeks I've only actually been in my apt for 4 days, 5 tops, so I'm looking forward to not living out of a suitcase for awhile.

Christmas at home was nice. I was actually able to get 5 days off in a row so it was good to have some downtime to eat too much food and watch a bunch of movies with the fam. I believe the most shocking moment was waking up on the 26th and walking outside to snow flurries. In north Florida. I can only think of one other time its snowed at home. I was maybe 5 and I don't even remember the experience. I really wanted to take a picture but I don't think it would've shown up on film.

I spent New Years Eve with some friends in Orlando. I worked the day of and was scheduled to work today as well so I planned on keeping it pretty low key but, while it could've been a lot worse, I don't think falling asleep in the night's clothes and makeup in someone else's bed at 3:30 and waking up 2 hours later for work much qualifies as low key. The bad news is I still had to drag myself into work, but the amazing news is that once I got there, they'd missed me on the schedule and didn't need an extra nurse so I got drive back to Tampa and spend some quality time in my bed for pretty much the rest of the day. Tomorrow is officially declared Lazy Roommate Day so the sloth will continue.

Worth a mention...both FSU and UCF won their bowl games yesterday! Yeah Gold!! (I figure that pretty much covers my bases for both teams)

In other exciting, and slightly startling news...I just found out one of my closest friends from childhood is pregnant! She and her husband of 4 years went on a cruise in Sep and she returned not feeling well, went to the doctor and Surprise! Another example of how yes, you can get pregnant on birth control pills. But they are super excited and I'm so happy for them. I've known plenty of people over the years who have had babies but so far its never been anyone who was more than a casual friend or acquaintance. But I've known Kristine since elementary school, grown up with her and was in her wedding...I can't believe that someone so integral to my life growing up has so far surpassed me in life experiences. It feels so foreign because most of my other close friends are either completely unattached like me or are in very early stages of relationships. But Kristine is going to be an amazing mother and I can't wait til she starts showing and finds out if its a boy or a girl!

Well, I feel I should post this before the clock hits midnight and my title becomes irrelevant so Happy New Year everyone and cheers to 2011!

Merry Christmas to all...

...and to all, a good night!

Resolution 2011

I find it interesting how, even after 25 years, people never cease to surprise me. Our ability to forgive and our ability to hold grudges. Our ability to be sweet in person and then talk about each other behind our backs. How the people we love disappoint us and the people who we almost never gave a chance to can change our world. Our ability to completely disregard and discard others. In the past year I've been discarded by someone who was supposed to love me, degraded behind my back by those who would never say those words to my face, and been told by a close friend that my efforts at continuing our friendship make her feel "guilty." And during the same year, I've had acquaintances reach out to me during the darkest time in my last 5 years, friends make me laugh when I'm sure I was depression personified, and strangers try to console me during a loss. I've been on both sides, good and bad, giver and receiver, and I've decided to make this my New Years Resolution. Yes, I know its a few weeks early for this, but its my blog and I can do what I want. Besides, the upcoming weeks are going to require me to utilize these skills, so it can be practice for the New Year. In 2011 I am going to: forgive more easily, be more transparent, be more appreciative of those who have been there for me, and most importantly, move on from the past. Because the moral of the story is...holding grudges doesn't do anything except hold me back.