Lonely thoughts

Why is it that being surrounded by people can sometimes feel more isolating than actually distancing yourself from others? I have the most amazing best friends in the world but I hate that everyone is so scattered, which makes it extremely rare that I can be with more than one of my best friends at once. Outside of my family, there is 5 people who truly know who I am and where I came from. Three of those have known me since I even begun figuring out who I was. But those 5 people are scattered over Tampa, Orlando, Tally, Memphis and Destin and its been way too long since I've been surrounded by more than one of them at the same time. Too often I'm surrounded by groups of people with history, who know each others stories and can finish each other's sentences. Even when I have genuine affection for these people I end up feeling lonely and resentful that I am not surrounded by those who have the same love for me. One of my goals for Tampa is to meet some new people that I can add to my life-long friends list. I try my best to be open and outgoing when I am around others and meet new people, but I am so self conscious sometimes that it can feel debilitating even if others don't perceive it. I'm going to attempt to be more honest and trusting and just pray that it doesn't get me hurt. It's just scary because I recently found out that a group of people I had hung out with a lot this summer has been talking about me behind my back. Now, I don't mean to imply that I am so important that I've been any sort of headline, I just know things have gotten around. For some reason people think they can tell one of my best friends things they've discovered about me or thought about me and it won't get back to me. If this is information that only one or two people know, and I've never mentioned to anyone, its pretty easy to figure out how its got around and who's been discussing it. I'm a grown woman and I can decide how I want to live my life and I stand by what I've done. I just wish people would ask me directly if they want to know if something is true or just leave it alone like mature adults. But I suppose thats asking too much. I'm not innocent, I've been on the other side and probably done the same and probably will again. It just bothers me that people spread private information or form opinions about me without getting my side. 

Alright, well that started in one place and went somewhere completely different. But I'm going to go to sleep now and wake up on the happy, optimistic side of the bed.