Boys Boys Boys

Right now its dark, late, and rainy and I have the apartment all to myself and the only thing I'm missing is some cuddling/spooning action. I should be more specific...I actually have three boys in my bed ready to cuddle, but I'd like one that is not covered in fur and that weighs more than 12 lbs, ha.


I'm in that weird post-breakup spot where I'm over the heart break and I've fallen out of love with The Ex but I haven't found anything new or exciting yet. I think thats one of the most frustrating things. It's easy to move on and forget, but once you've fallen in love I don't think you really ever completely get over the entire relationship until you fall in love again. I've been in love three times (none of them have worked out...not sure if that makes me lucky to have found love three times or unlucky to have it disappear 3 times before 25) and while I was over each before I became exclusive again, I don't think I stopped having the occasional wistful thought until someone new had completely entranced me. But this in between place is frustrating. Since I was about 16 I've only been single for roughly a year...a year and a half counting this period since The Ex...and I can't say I ever got too accustomed to it. But even when I'm not exclusive with someone, I usually have someone in my life. I just like companionship. I don't think every encounter needs to be the be-all-end-all and turn your world upside down; but its nice to have someone who's company you enjoy and that your physically attracted to in the meantime. I haven't had that this time around yet. I was involved with a few guys this summer but not consistently and it never reached the point of routine with anyone, not enough lasting interest on either side I suppose. And I've been on a few dates since I moved but no one that I've considered seeing twice. I've learned not to look for the Real Thing because the only time I've ever found it was when I was not looking at all, but it'd be nice to find Mr. Right Now for dark, late, rainy nights when I have the apartment to myself.


And speaking of The Ex...I hate how the breakup has turned me bitter. Not bitter about life or love or myself, but bitter about the little things. How I now hate everything to do with aviation and airplanes. How when I hear someone is in the military or see military stickers on cars I have a prejudice against that person instead of thanking them for their service. How when USF played Florida I couldn't decide who I wanted to win because my intense hatred for all things Orange and Blue almost couldn't beat out the feeling of wanting his alma mater to lose so he'd have a bad day. I hate country music, Toyota Tacomas, guns, and motorcycles, all because it brings him to mind and its a waste of brain cells to think of him. This is the first, last, and only paragraph that will be devoted to The Ex in this blog so just let me say that he is a coward for spending two years telling me he wants to marry me and then breaking up with me on the phone 5 days after seeing me in person because apparently he didn't have the balls or the respect to do it to my face. Whats worse is that he couldn't even vocalize a reason. Well you know what? You got scared like a little pussy when things became real and lost the best thing that you ever had. 


Okay, so maybe I'm a teensy bit bitter. But thats only more motivation to take his favorite city, my new home, and make it mine. Hold on to your hat Tampa, here we go...